Hey guys,
I’ve been writing this in my head over this last week or so. I thought it was finally time to get my thoughts down.
Ever since we all first met, there was no doubt in my mind that it was providence that had brought us all together. Unfortunately, I've been wrestling with doubt for a very long time. I had big dreams for our friendship right from the get go, and because I’m me, I imagined they would become a reality right away, especially since we’ve all gotten the chance to know one another before stepping foot on campus. I keep forgetting that’s not how things go. I’m just impatient by nature, please forgive me.
Just wanted to start things off by saying that I admire your courage. I'm the kind of person that likes to play it safe, so I don't think I could ever muster up the courage to go study in an relatively unfamiliar environment for four years of my life. I pray you may never lose this courage. It will come in handy for future hard.
Even though it’s only been a few months, I have already gotten to know some pretty awesome things about each of you. Despite this, I know there’s still a lot I have to learn. I don’t know how friendships and community have treated you in the past, but I bet I can almost guarantee that you still carry wounds from people who have hurt you in the past. As much as I wish I could, I can’t guarantee that I’ll be any different. I’m still human, which means I still have rough edges. I hope that you’ll all be able to come to me and ask for forgiveness whenever I've hurt you. When I have, I am more than willing to have you come to me about and work things out. I will definitely strive to do the same. If I ever isolate myself, please be assured it has nothing to do with you guys. The hard I’m currently walking through needs me to just be by myself for a while sometimes. I tend to have a lot of news to process at once, so I just need some time to myself. I pray you guys will be able to understand.
Thank you for bringing the community and friendship my heart has always wanted into my life. I pray our friendship will only grow as time goes on. I know I’ve shared bits and pieces of my story with each of you. I pray I may be able to get to know your own unique story as we spend time together. I pray hearing about the hard I've been through would not scare you or have you pity me, but rather show you that suffering isn’t the absence of goodness, because it isn't. I hope me being open about my hard won’t come across as me trying to prove that what I’ve been through isn’t easy but rather be the starting point for us to all be able to come together and share our hard together. I pray we may be able to be open and honest with each other about our struggles, and that we would always stick together, no matter what hard comes our way. I want to get to know the real you. I want to ask hard questions and be asked hard questions in return. I want to show how much sharing a meal together means to me. I want to cook together and not be able to find anything because you guys have been misplacing everything, not knowing where things are supposed to be. I want to go on road trips and long flights together and explore more of what this world has to offer. I recently revisited an article about four friends who were friends for almost their entire lives and turned 100 together. Even though I know our friendship has only just begun, but I still dream of a similar friendship for us. I want to navigate through all of life’s challenges together. I want to be able to look back on this season of our lives ten, twenty, even fifty years from now and reflect on both the amazing moments and the hard moments of our time together. I want to play piano and sing together like the night after our first run together. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that night and what an amazing experience it was for me. I pray more nights like that are in store for the future. We already share a love for show tunes; I hope you'll come to love some of my other favorite artists like Ellie Holcomb.
I want to be able to trust you with my heart and my burdens and have the privilege to carry you through yours. Just the other day, I was dreaming of when we would be in the habit of scheduling coffee dates and meals just to enjoy each another's company. I pray that will be a reality in the near future. Another thing I was dreaming about recently was all of us going to camp together. Next to seeing you guys come to know Christ, that’s the biggest dream I have for all four of us. Camp Judah has a very special place in my heart since it’s where I officially dedicated my life to Christ after experiencing His presence firsthand there the summer before eighth grade. I have seen so many other amazing things happen at camp since then. It’s also a really fun experience. The efforts of all the directors and the other staff to make it as fun as possible definitely pay off. Many of my fondest memories of camp are so closely tied to the daily muster skits and special events. I want to dream up muster skits, cabin decorations and team entrances together, cheer you on as you go down the slip and slide and struggle through the tough mudder with your cabinmates, and maybe even create a rivalry between us. (Facetious, of course. Which reminds me: Team Joshua is always better than Team Caleb, no matter what team you end up on.) I suck at describing things, so I pray you may just be able to trust me. I pray you would be willing to be a part of it all. I have lots of concerns over the logistics, but I trust that whatever comes will be good.
I greatly appreciate how open you guys are when it comes to my faith, especially since a lot of people's knew during high school weren't, so thanks for that. If you haven't noticed already, my faith is such a huge part of who I am. I am always happy to answer any questions that you guys have about choosing to follow Jesus. I want to be able to show you guys more about who God is with the hopes that you’ll come to love Him as much as I do. Like I mentioned earlier, it wasn’t until the summer before eighth grade when I truly decided to follow Jesus. I had been baptized before then, but I was still living in my flesh, so I wasn’t really maturing spiritually. The hard I walked through the year before greatly made me realize my need for Jesus, so that’s when things really turned around for me. A lot has happened since then, and it has been both hard and amazing. I have stories to tell of when I have hit rock bottom, but I also have stories of how God showed up and did amazing things. I fervently pray and wish you won't have to hit the lows that I have, but I can’t promise anything. However, I do pray that amazing things will continue to happen all throughout your life.
Sorry that this ended up being so long; I knew I would ramble. Thanks for sticking through and hearing my heart. You all mean the world to me, and not much is going to change that.
Here’s to a great four years,
Yahan
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