Goodbye 2015

As 2015 is drawing to a close, I've been reflecting on the events of this past year. A lot has happened both in my heart and in my own life. Because I'm me, I've been trying to prepare my heart for the year ahead. I still remember the moment from elementary school when I found out I would be graduating from high school in 2016. As much as I'm ready to move on with my life, seeing 2016 over and over again still gets me every time. I'm anticipating a lot of change in this upcoming year, and I'm hoping a lot of it is for the better. I have big dreams for my college years~

I know I've already said this, but a huge thank you to those of you who have supported me throughout this whole year. I honestly couldn't have done it without you. You are all gifts of grace to me that I never for one second deserved. ♥ Lastly, thank you Jesus for bringing me through this year. I couldn't have done this without You either. You have totally fulfilled some of my heart's deepest desires this year. Please teach me to continue trusting You with the dreams that have still yet to be a reality.

Best wishes to you and yours for 2016~

What I'm Thankful For

I'm not going to lie; this past year has not been easy. Despite this, I still have a ton to be thankful for. I've always tried to have a grateful heart for what God has blessed me with, but since it's that time of year, I thoughts I would share my heart with y'all.

Even with everything I've had to push through this past year, I am so thankful for:

~God's faithfulness and timing- One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn over the past year is to give up my own sovereignty and trust in God's. I know He knows the desires of my heart, and I trust they will come to bloom in His time because His blessings have constantly showed up for me at the right time, especially when I definitely didn't deserve it.

~Amazing people in my life- My immediate family and my church family have always been a huge blessing. Even though they annoy me at times, I still love them to pieces. My online friends and the Mundane Faithfulness Community have also been amazing. Even though I've only gotten to know them all through the Internet, we've had a ton of meaningful conversations together and everyone's been great support to me through my hard.

~My health and safety- Even though I had to have surgery when I was very young, everything has been perfectly fine since. I have also been so blessed to not have never been in a seriously dangerous situation. I know this is all because of God's protection over me. Thank you Lord~

~Amazing role models in my life- I have been so blessed to witness amazing men and women of God do life and have them mentor me in my own walk of faith. Some have directly mentored to me, while others mentored me without even knowing it. Nonetheless, I am so grateful to have older brothers and sisters in Christ who will I can trust to always help me focus my eyes on Jesus.

~The promise of Heaven- I was dreaming of what Thanksgiving would like in Heaven just last night. I really hope people celebrate it there, because I got all excited as I was daydreaming. Also, someone in the Mundane Faithfulness Community brought up something a while ago about how we were all invited to her MFC party in Heaven. I can't wait to finally meet everyone~

I'm sure there are things I'm thankful for that haven't made it onto this list because of how forgetful I can be. I sincerely hope everyone who celebrates Thanksgiving will have an amazing one~

What are you thankful for despite the hard in your life? Do you often take the time to take your eyes off your struggles and focus on the blessings instead? Are there ways you could try to be more thankful throughout the entire year?

My Just Show Up Story

Argh, I broke my promise, as usual. I've started a personal journal recently, so I haven't been posting here as often as I promised.

For those of you that know me personally, you know I love the blog Mundane Faithfulness. God has done so much in my heart through Kara's story. About a month ago, Kara's friend Blythe started a Facebook group for all of us who have come to love Kara's story. I love interacting with other people who want to pursue Jesus even though they're walking their own heartbreak. Kara's new book that she wrote together with her Jill came out this month, and to stay with the book's theme of how to show up for others in their suffering, Blythe has asked everyone in the Mundane Faithfulness community to share their "Just Show Up" stories. I think it's time I share mine...

I've had a lot on my heart recently, but because of my shyness, it's hard for me to share what's going on with anyone. A lot of the people in my life aren't Christians, so I have trouble being open around them since a lot of my struggles have to do with my faith. It's also hard for me to share my heart with anyone at my church because all the other kids are still young; I don't want to burden them.

Even though the kids don't know my struggles, they constantly show up for me. My story has to do with one particular Sunday. All the details are a bit fuzzy since it was a few Sundays ago, but I remember the basics. Because it's hard for me to find venues to share my heart, I tend to keep things bottled up. Everyone reaches a maximum point where they can't keep it in anymore. For me, that's usually during worship because that's when I get the chance to sing out my heart to God. Sometimes I don't have the strength to sing out loud though. When that's the case, I just sit there with tears streaming down my face as my heart quietly sings along to the songs.

That was me the Sunday after I found out that my extended family most likely wouldn't be able to visit like we had originally planned. Having them visit was an event that I had been looking forward to for months, so I was devastated when I found out it wasn't going to happen. There were other burdens on my heart that Sunday, so those only added to my already heavy heart. I think I cried more that Sunday than in any other worship service.

And my friend was there with me the whole time.

She didn't know exactly what I was going through, but she showed up nonetheless and just hugged me through my tears. And for that I am extremely grateful. If you're that friend and you've somehow stumbled across this post, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You may be 5 years younger than me, but you've showed up for me in a big way that I will never forget. I love you sweet girl.

Grace Shows Up

Hey everyone,

Sorry for not posting during the past few weeks, I've had stuff going on again. xP School has also started, so if I disappear, that would most likely be the reason. I'll try my best to post every 1-2 weeks or so though.

A lot has happened since I last posted. For one, I'm excited about how God is still working through Kara's blog, Mundane Faithfulness even after she went Home to live with Jesus. Her friend Blythe, who inherited the blog, created a Facebook group for everyone who has been touched by Kara's story to gather together. It's only been three days and there are currently just over 4,000 people in the group; it's amazing. I am usually pretty hesitant about being added into groups on social media and I usually don't participate much either, but once I heard about the Mundane Faithfulness group, I couldn't wait to get started. I was overwhelmed by how accepting everyone was when I introduced myself and brought up a few prayer requests. I immediately knew I belonged.

When I first joined, I didn't expect to meet people my age. Of course, God exceeded my expectations and led me to not 1, but 3 other young women around my age who have also been touched by Kara's story. Since a lot of the people my age in my life aren't Christians, I've been praying for the chance to get to know other Christian teens and walk together with them in faith. We've only been talking for a few days, but I think the group chat with just the four of us may be the answer to my prayer.

Speaking of prayer requests, I have one for one of the new friends I made through the Mundane Faithfulness group. Her mentor/"second mom" Cathy has been fighting metastasized stage 4 breast cancer, and is nearing the end of her battle. Thinking about where Haley is now reminds me of where I was 6 months ago on my birthday. That's when it hit me that Kara didn't have much time left. Even though I've never know her personally, I consider Kara as my mentor because of all of the lessons she had taught me through her blog and The Hardest Peace. Replaying that one and a half week period leading up to her Homecoming brings back so much every time I flashback to it. I couldn't imagine what Haley was going through since she has so many more memories of her together with her mentor. So if you could keep her in your thoughts and prayers, that would be really great.

God has provided me grace in other areas of my life as well. If you don't know me personally, you will quickly find out that my grades are really important to me. I've only been a high school senior for less than a month, but I've already seen God's grace in action. After my first AP Calc BC test, my teacher warned us that he may not allow us to do corrections depending on our class average. I studied as much as I could and tried my best, but I still didn't do well. Therefore I was devastated when my teacher said he would not allow us to do corrections. However when my friend told me that she somehow got 3 extra points back on her test, I was a bit confused and decided to check my grades online (because why not?). I clicked on my grade for Calc, and I saw 2 assignments there: the original test, and one for getting points back. I totally did not expect that. I asked another friend if our teacher changed his mind, and she said he did.

Grace also showed up in AP Chem and in AP Lit. We took a quiz based on the summer assignment we had to complete in Chem, and after talking to a friend about it, I wasn't sure I did well. However when I got it back the day after, I was surprised that I had gotten the question I was worried about correct, and that I had only made a minor mistake on another question.

In Lit, I was really worried that I didn't do well on a quiz I recently took . Lit is around 11:30am for me, which is usually when new Mundane Faithfulness posts are up. The day I had the quiz was also the day I got my Calc test back, so the thought of it only added to my stress level. When I went on Mundane Faithfulness after my quiz, I saw that day's post, and it felt like God was using the post to directly speak to my heart. While reading Kara's words, I was reminded of what I had learned at Camp Judah that summer: to not worry about what happens during the school year but to trust in Him and His strength.

God has been so good to me.

Thank Yous and Prayers

Sorry for the unannounced hiatus. I was on vacation for 2 weeks, and my parents didn't let me bring my computer with me. We did a lot of driving over our trip, which meant a lot of time for me to think. It also gave me a chance to revisit a book I read in 8th grade, Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. I liked the book in 8th grade, but nothing really sunk in when I read it that first time. This time, after a few years, listening to the audiobook helped a lot to resonate with me. (I don't know why, but if I hear something someone says, it tends to stick with me better than if I read it off a page.) I just happened to be listening to Tuesdays with Morrie when it was getting close to (or on, I can't remember) the anniversary of Kara's diagnosis. A lot of the lessons Morrie taught Mitch reminded me of the lessons I learned through Mundane Faithfulness. I then wondered if Kara had read Tuesdays with Morrie since a lot of what they both taught were similar. (And in the words of Morrie, we're all Tuesday people ;) ) I guess I'll have to add asking her to my list of things to do once I get to Heaven.

A while ago at camp, something in my heart was telling me that God was calling me to do ministry right on PFQ. I've been talking with some people, and I think I'm am where I'm supposed to be. Everyone on PFQ has a little trainer card where they can post status updates, and when I see something like "Not in the best mood" or "Need someone to talk to" I try to step in and see if there's anything I can do to help. I've done that a few times already, and I tried to encourage people the best that I can (with the Holy Spirit's guidance, of course). I've been friends with someone on PFQ for a while, and even though he's younger than me, we're both similar in the fact that we both like to think big thoughts. He recently shared with me a truth he came to realize about something that was going on in his life, and when I read it, I was thankful that he had learned the lesson that he did before it was too late. Then as we kept talking, I realized that this was the kind of friendship I had been praying for all along. We get along pretty well, and we're able to share our hearts honestly with each other while having fun at the same time. For some reason, that made me think of the other things amazing things God has done in my heart and in my life recently, and I thought it would be a good idea to list the prayers of my heart and words of thanksgiving for what God's done in my life. I guess I should stop rambling and start.

Thank You God for...
~letting me be a part of PFQ's community and being salt and light to hurting hearts there.
~my friendships on PFQ, especially mine with SuperK1. Thank you for introducing me to someone who is fun to talk to, loves You, and is willing to think big thoughts about our faith with me.
~a wonderful vacation to Yellowstone. I loved getting to spend time with some of my closest church friends and enjoying the beauty of the national parks with them.
~reintroducing me to Tuesdays with Morrie. I'm glad I've matured so much spiritually since the first time I read it and was able to get so much from it as a result.
~introducing me to Kara. Even though I don't know her personally, she has taught me so much and has helped me go deeper into a relationship with You.
~letting me know that it's ok to cry. The pain cuts so deep some days that I can't help it. Kara has taught me that tears are evidence of knowing love, and even though she's in Heaven now, I still love her and miss her a ton.
~planting seeds of wanting to pour out big love onto people in my life before I met Kara and having her blog help guide me as I continually try to find more ways to show love to them.
~The kids at church. They're all a lot of fun, and I love growing in my faith and doing life with them.

Lord, I pray...
~ that SuperK1 and I would continue our friendship and that we may both mature spiritually as a result of our friendship
~for someone I know on PFQ. She recently had to let go of a loved one. Even though I know she's not a Christian, I pray that she may be able to experience Your grace in her life. I pray she may also know Your comfort and peace as she tries to find her footing in her new normal without the person she had to let go of.
~for Tabitha Mori's friend. I know that you are capable of healing her father. I pray that he makes a quick recovery and that her friend may experience You in the midst of her depression and be able to know just how much You love her.  I pray that her family may be able to know Your comfort and Your peace as they walk through this hard.
~for all my church friends, especially my girlfriends. I pray as we grow older physically and mentally, we'll be able to grow in our faith as well. Authentic, godly community my heart's desire for us as we grow older together. I pray that will be possible even as we grow up and leave home to fulfill whatever You have planned for us in that new season of our lives.
~for Kara's community. I know they have settled into their new normal without her, but I know that hard days will come. I pray that they would be able to feel Your presence among them when their hearts are hurting.

Wow, that was long. Thanks for sticking with me through this long post~

Summer Grace

Dear Summer,
Thank you for showing up after a hard school year. I need time before senior year to recharge. You bring slow summer mornings, a nice pace of life after months of running around every morning to get ready for school. At the beginning of every summer, I make a to-do-list for myself to accomplish by the end of the summer. I am almost certain that there will be some things I will not have gotten to. Please provide grace so I won't be too hard on myself when I realize that some things have been left unfinished.

With all this extra free time, I strive to get closer to God as well. This past week at camp I really experienced God and it makes me want to pursue Him more. This summer I'm going to start spending some quiet time in the morning with God. I pray that I will be given grace to hear what He wants to say to me every morning and be able to apply His words to my daily life.

Summer also means watching America's Got Talent. It's one of my favorite shows because it's very unique. I've seen so many interesting acts. I've also seen some pretty amazing talent too. Last summer I saw some very young singers on the show and they became my inspiration to continue singing. I've also seen acts that used their time on stage to show off their talents for God's glory. They are willing to put down themselves by recognizing that their talent is from God. I'm still learning how to put myself down to follow God.

In a few short weeks, my family is going to explore the West Coast with some friends. I am really looking forward to the trip because I get to travel with friends. (As they say, "The more the merrier") The preparation will be chaotic, but it will be worth it. Our parents have been planning this trip for months. I'm excited to see where their plans will take us.

Lastly, I truly believe that summer is the best opportunity to discover who you are outside of the classroom. I really hope grace will show up and help everyone on their own journey of self-discovery.

Looking forward to big things,
Yahan

Camp Judah

This past week I was at Camp Judah. (It's a week long sleepaway Christian camp.) I've been there several times before, but I believe this summer's senior camp was the best camp experience I've ever had (so far anyways). So much has happened during the past few months, I just needed to get away for a week and rest in God's presence. I also enjoyed a week with other teens who also loved God. That was probably what I enjoyed the most. I got to share things with my cabinmates that I normally wouldn't be able to share with my friends back home. I also laughed a lot this week. My favorite part of the week was probably Thursday night right after our annual slip-and-slide. We usually do it in the afternoon, but the directors wanted to switch it up and do it at night instead.

After dinner, all of Team Caleb got together for one last team entrance to the slip-and-slide. While we were getting into our positions, I saw a huge chunk of soap bubbles from the slip-and-slide tumble down the hill towards where we were gathering. I had a mixed reaction to the falling soap. One half of me was thinking "Oh crap, what if it hits us?" the other half was amused that bubbles were rolling down the hill. Unfortunately, the second half of me eventually took over and made it hard for me to not laugh as we were all in line ready to enter the soccer field. The bubbles ended up delaying our entrance by a half an hour, but they were a lot of fun to play with. The actual slip-and-slide was a little annoying though. It was freezing and no one could hear anything that the adults were saying. Even though we were only the third group of cabins to go, we decided to head back to our cabin after because it was getting late. We went to the showers to clean off and then we went to bed.

That's when the fun began (again). Everyone was so tired from the day and the whole week that our brains were just fried. Our counselor stepped out for a shower and we talked for the longest time about the most random things. Because people at camp kept saying a lot of funny things throughout the week, I started writing them down in my notebook. Thursday night held the record for most quotes in the shortest amount of time. (I had written down a handful of them in just a few minutes)

Of course, we talked about Nigel in the midst of our sleepiness. Nigel is a dinosaur that belongs to one of my cabinmates. (I'll post a picture when I transfer it from my camera) He comes up in a lot of our conversations. I'm not sure why, but he always seems to make our cabin laugh.

Another great thing about camp is that I can always guarantee that God will show up at least once throughout the week. Before camp, I was very weak spiritually because of events that had taken place the last few months. Camp allowed me to refocus my mind and my heart back on God. I learned that it's ok if things aren't perfect, that I should always trust God because He knows the whole scope of things that I can't see. I also learned to trust in His strength and not my own. Before camp I was so worried about how I was going to handle all the classes I had on my schedule for this upcoming school year. But at camp, I was reminded of Jeremiah 29:11 and felt God speak to my heart words along the lines of "Don't worry about how past events could impact your future. You can lean on Me and My love to get through this year"

God really used camp to help ease my worries by not only letting me forget and have fun, but also for speaking words into my heart that I desperately needed to hear. This past week will always have a special place in my heart.

Grace in the Midst of Hard

Today's grace letter is about how grace showed up in the midst of a hard season in life.

Dear Grace,
Thanks for always showing up, especially during that week after Kara flew away. That week was extremely hard; I swear grace was the only thing that kept me going. You showed up in so many ways.

Monday was the hardest. I promised not to cry at school and failed before I even arrived. During lunch, my bad habit of getting things over with got in the way and I took a Spanish retake I thought I was ready for. In the midst of my grief, I ended up getting everything wrong. Without knowing my struggles, my teacher extended grace to me by allowing me a retake on the retake. I was so grateful for that. That week I also had a math test that I didn't do so well on. Thank you for letting me do corrections and improve my grade.

Thank you for also letting me be able to cry and grieve during worship at Friday's Bible study. I was leading worship, and since I didn't really have words to express everything at the time, I chose songs that helped me express my heart. I cried more than I had ever cried during worship that night. A friend noticed, and asked me why I was crying so much. Because I didn't really have the words yet, all I told her was that "stuff happened that week". If you're that friend (maybe you remember who you are?), now you know the whole story.

Even though that was a hard week, thank you, grace, for helping me pull through. Thank you for also getting to know you better through Kara's story.

Hope to see you again soon,
Yahan

Next week's letter will have to be posted the following week. I'm at camp all week next week.

Love and Forgiveness

"In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13

I'm sure most, if not all, of us have heard about the tragic events in Charleston. But what some may not know is how the victims' families responded to the tragedy. In a bond hearing, the victims' families got a chance to speak to the suspected killer, and they lived out Colossians 3:13 by forgiving him and encouraging him to repent from his sin. As I was watching the videos on CNN, I couldn't help but think, "As Christians, this is how we're all supposed to represent God's Kingdom, by showing God's love to others despite their wrongdoing" As many of my friends aren't believers yet, this encouraged me to continue showing love to them despite things they've done that hurt my heart. 

If anyone's interested, here are the videos I was mentioning earlier. I hope they will encourage you to reach out to someone in your life who needs forgiveness today.

How can you reach out to those in your life who don't yet believe today? Do you feel forgiven by God? If so, would you be able to pass on that forgiveness to others despite what they've done?

Grace Today

Dear Grace,

Thanks for showing up in so many ways today. One of those reasons being letting me write in the midst of a chaotic finals week. Yes, this week's grace letter has turned from a Tuesday Grace Letter to a Wednesday Grace Letter, but it's written.

Today I got to go home right after my Pre-Calc final. I usually have to stay at school for at least an hour to wait for the bus, but today, I was able to get a ride home from a friend. Going home early let me be able to finish a lot of the work I had to get done for my upcoming church retreat. I went to my other friend's house and got a lot done. The trivia game I'm making is almost complete, and my talent show act is coming together pretty well. I am so excited for this retreat, it will let me run away after a hard week of finals.

But just focusing on today, I got to relax. There's not much I can do to prepare for my English final since it is mostly skill based, so I get time to wind down and shorten my to-do list. I've had back-to-back exams up until now, so the break is nice. However, I'm a little worried about how I did on my exams. Please calm my anxieties when they come in the future. I know worry tends to drain a lot of my energy, and I don't want it to, especially since I need all of it for the weekend. So would you mind showing up and help me not get too stressed?

Thank you for letting me get to know another one of Kara's best friends. Today I got to hear the second half of Corrie's story. I love these "Kindred Spirits" posts. They help me get to know the people who have played a huge role in Kara's story better. Getting to know her friends has made me reflect on my own life and wish I had the same community Kara got to enjoy. Maybe that day will come soon, but today I can enjoy the grace that comes with showing love to my friends that don't yet believe. I hope some of them will choose to follow Jesus soon.

Earlier this afternoon, I went for a short run with a friend, and it was really hot. Luckily, when we met again later to go biking, it was a lot cooler. It was just the right temperature for biking. Not too hot, and not too cold. It was only slightly chilly, enough to provide a breeze to cool yourself down during your workout. It was the perfect way to end the day.

Thank you for letting me find grace in the small moments. I really enjoyed writing this letter. I hope I'll be able to find as much grace as I did today every day.

Sincerely,
Yahan

What about you? How have you found grace today? Were you able to find it in the small things in life?

To My Friends

Sorry, I'm going to be busy over the next few weeks. I may not post much besides grace letters for a while. (I also apologize for the delay, yesterday was really busy)

Dear friends,

I'm not sure how many of you will actually read this letter. If you do, please don't feel pressured. I want your hearts to be able to make your own decision of whether to follow Christ or not. I hope one day we'll be able to be brothers and sisters who stand together strong in faith, but in the meantime, I pray you'll hear my heart.

I have been friends with a lot of you before I became a Christian, so I've known you for a long time. I know many of you aren't attracted to Christianity because of your personal values, which is perfectly alright with me. Like I said earlier, I want each of you to make your own decisions. But I hope there are people in your lives that know Christ and are able to manifest His unconditional love for you.

Looking back on my own life, I vividly remember how I came to know Christ. A few years, back in 7th grade, I was going through a time period of extremely low self esteem, and that summer at Camp Judah, I rededicated my life to Christ and began anew as a new person. When I went back to school the following fall, the school year went a lot smoother. I don't know your stories very well, so please don't think I'm saying that you will come to Christ the same way I did. Everyone has their unique story.

Just because I've accepted Christ doesn't mean I'm perfect. I'm still human and prone to making mistakes. If I hurt your heart in any way, let me know so I can strive to not make the same mistake again. I want to build up a community where we can all be honest with each other and not have anything to hide. I hope we'll be able to build up said community in Christ, the strongest foundation possible.

In the meantime, all I can do is pray for each and every one of you. If any of you have hardened your heart to God because you don't believe you're good enough, don't believe that. God loves you wherever you are, no matter how broken. I pray you'll come to know His unconditional love for you at some point in your life.

Your friend,
Yahan

Tuesday Grace Letters

Today's grace letter is to my future self as a mom.

Dear Yahan,

At last. The dream you've had for years is finally a reality. Being a natural planner, you have spent more time than necessary daydreaming about and planning your future. You knew being a mom wasn't going to be easy. But by now, you have probably had a few experiences that can attest the hard days of motherhood. Don't give up during those days. Even though they most likely won't show it, your kids need you, especially during their hardest moments when they can't express their need.

Throughout your childhood, there were moments where your parents hurt your heart. Don't hang on to those hurts. Forgive them but also strive to not pass on the same hard to your children. You're most likely going to have a busy career, but don't let that get in the way of spending time with your kids. Make time to support them at sporting events and performances. I know you love to sing, cook and craft with your loves. Embrace those passions and use them to help you grow closer to your kids. Sing loud and off key together, make a meal or just watch a movie during the weekends. Always be present in your kids' lives and grow closer to them. Ask about their hearts, not just about their day to day life. Love on them in any and every way possible.

Start new family traditions. Not many were established while you were growing up, but that trend doesn't have to continue. I know you've been mentally preparing some throughout your life, but don't be confined to that list. Traditions strengthen families, so don't be afraid to start them. Drink up the joys of the little moments, you never know when they will come to an end. Enjoy them while they last. Let go of the chains that being a planner and a worrier have trapped you in. Sometimes it's better to not worry about things that didn't go your way, especially the little things in life.

When it comes to discipline, remember that love is kind, and that a gentle answer can turn away wrath. Sometimes, especially in the heat of the moment, kindness will feel impossible. It's in those moments where kindness is needed most. When you deal with disobedience in the wrong way, don't be afraid to repent publicly and ask for forgiveness. Admitting to your kids you aren't perfect will deepen your relationships with them.

Last of all, don't worry. I know you tend to worry about stuff. No matter what struggles motherhood brings, it's all in God's hands. Learn to trust in Him. He has a better plan for your kids than you could ever dream of. Trust in his provision.

Sincerely,
Your high school self

Next week's letter will be to unbelievers in my life.

For Good from Wicked

Remember the lyrics to that song from last Tuesday's grace letter? I've been listening to the song constantly after watching the videos of the actual performance from the musical a few days ago. I thought I would share it here. Enjoy.

Tuesday Grace Letters

This Tuesday I'm writing to someone who has changed my story for the better because of their love.

Dear Kara,

I have never met you personally, but the impact you have made on my life is tremendous. When I was younger no one in my family knew the Gospel, so I was not raised in the truth during my earliest years. It was not until 5th grade that my family and I joined the church we currently attend. That's when my real journey of faith began. Still being young in my faith back then, I was still very weak spiritually. I didn't really have strong friendships or close mentors, so I had to carry the majority of my burdens myself. The summer before 8th grade was when I truly experienced God and was set free from the chains that had been holding me hostage. I had experienced the Holy Spirit occasionally during worship before, but that summer was when my faith was strengthened for good, and I officially dedicated my life to Christ. Since then, my story has taken a turn for the better.

As I grew closer to my church community, I knew I wanted to love on them on their birthdays and other holidays because we never really did anything special on those days in my house. After coming to follow your story, I realized that I didn't have to wait until those special days to love on my church community. Instead, I should be showing them love every time I see them. Thank you for teaching me this valuable lesson.

Unfortunately, I don't remember how I was led to Mundane Faithfulness. What I do remember though is that God taught me more about His love and grace through your story. I just wish it didn't take such hard suffering to have your readers and loved ones come closer to Christ and reflect back on our own lives. That first week knowing that you were in Heaven was probably one of the hardest weeks I had to go through. As I left church on March 22nd, something in my heart told me that an update would be posted on the Mundane Faithfulness Facebook page. Something else told me that the news would not be something I wanted to hear.

Sure enough, as I was finishing up my English project that evening, I checked Facebook during a short break and came upon the update I was dreading. Of course, I rejoiced knowing that you had flew away to be safe with Jesus for eternity, but my heart still hurt for your community. I know how much you mean to them and I know that sending you Home to Jesus was not easy for them. It definitely has not been easy for me, and I think I can say the same for anyone else who has come to love you either. We are all walking on this journey of seeking God's grace and love in the aftermath of your Homecoming together.

Being the oldest in my family, my heart specifically ached for Ella. If I am not mistaken, she will be setting off into high school in the fall. My own mom has been a huge supporter to me throughout my high school years, and I hurt knowing that Ella won't be able to have her mom on this side on Heaven to support her through those years. I know not being physically present in their lives must be hard for your other children at times too. I have 2 younger brothers and a lot of my friends are younger than me. I can't imagine any of us living without our moms. Even though hard days will come, I know that God's grace will be able to carry all the people that love you through their darkest moments, no matter what they are facing.

Music is one of the ways I cope with hard in my life. One of the playlists is specifically to encourage my heart when I'm overcome by grief. There's one song in particular that I always revisit. It's called "For Good" from the musical Wicked. One specific part goes like this:

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine
By being my friend...

I'm pretty sure everyone whose heart you've touched would be able to say this, not just the people who had the priviledge to know you personally. I hope you get to enjoy the farm you've always wanted on Earth in Heaven. I can't wait to finally meet you.

Until we meet in Heaven,
Yahan

Next week's grace letter will be to myself when I am a parent.

What Do You Want Your Legacy to Be?

Sorry for the lack of posts, it's been a crazy week.

Two things happened this past Monday. A friend of mine got her piano test results back, and I got inducted into my school's chapter of National Honors Society.

During lunch, my friend went to go see her music teacher to get her score report for her exam. When she came back, she was in tears. I asked her what was wrong, and she said she did bad. I glanced at her sheet, and noticed the A+ at the top. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that her score wasn't high enough to get into the all-state orchestra. My heart sank. I've walked down the same road of disappointment where I think I worked hard enough to achieve my goal, when in reality, I did not. I tried my best to comfort her, but it seemed to have little effect. She was on my mind the rest of the school day as I tried to see if there was anything the Holy Spirit wanted to say to her. I shared a few songs with her that were on my heart, and she asked me questions about our true identities in Christ. During our conversation, she confessed to me that she was determined to, as she put it, "leave her mark on the world". I agreed with her, who doesn't want that?

That led me to ask myself what kinds of legacy I want to leave for my people. Do I want them to remember me for the awards I've won and achievements in life, or for the love I show to them? I'm not sure about any of you, but I definitely prefer the latter. Showing love is more important to me than getting recognized for doing great works in my life.

Jesus thought so too. When He was teaching the disciples, they asked him, “'Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?' and "Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’" (Matthew 26:36-39) By putting the 2 commandments related to love first, it shows how much Jesus valued love. As followers of Christ, we are supposed to be the salt and light to this world. This responsibility includes loving others unconditionally, especially through their trials. People experiencing suffering need the truth of the gospel most because it will comfort and guide them. 

So as we start a new week today, my challenge for you is this: How can you reach out to those going through a rough time in your life?

Tuesday Grace Letters

One of the things my favorite author/blogger Kara Tippetts did on her blog for a while was called Tuesday Grace Letters. Tuesday Grace Letters is something Kara challenged her readers to do on their blogs. Every Tuesday she and other bloggers would write letters about grace. I'm a little late to the game, as usual, but I decided to give it a try. The first assignment was to write a letter to yourself in 10 years, and to include as many pictures of today as possible. (A side note, Mochi and Mushi are only nicknames)

Dear 2025,

I'm not sure what I will be doing with my life when you come around, but I hope that by the time you arrive, I'll be able to have friends that are willing to partner with me on this narrow road of faith. I don't have many now, but I hope you'll introduce me to some. I pray that I would never abandon my faith even as my life gets busier and busier.

Irena, you're probably my closest friend. 2025 will find you 26. To be completely honest, that is a scary thought. We always joke to each other about how old we feel when we're around people who are significantly younger. Even though we may feel old, the truth is, we're still pretty young and have a lot of life ahead of us. You are very driven and ambitious, and I love that. I wish I could be as motivated. Even though life will get busy, especially as you grow older, I hope you'll be able to slow down and be able to enjoy the little things in life. When disappointments come and you feel like you're worthless, I pray you'll be able to turn away from the things of this world to find your worth and learn to pursue your true identity in Christ. Seeing you hurting brings back flashbacks of my disappointments and makes me reflect on my past hard. I wish I didn't have to say this, but there will be more disappointments as life rolls on. I know you don't fully trust in God yet, but I pray that you will soon. I see your heart slowly softening towards Christ and I hope that one day we'll be able to stand together as sisters in the faith. Maybe that day will have passed by the time you read this as your 2025 self, maybe not. I'll just have to trust in God's timing.

Emily and Justine, my two best friends from childhood. 2025 will mark 23 years of friendship (I think, at least). As the years pass, we see each other less and less. I hope this trend doesn't continue. I want to be able to keep our friendship as time goes by. I love how when we hang out, we always have a good time together. You guys are both very artistic and creative. Don't lose that. My prayer for you two is that you'll both be able to come to know Christ by 2025. We have been friends for so long, I don't want to lose our friendship for all eternity when you two won't be there for me to greet in Heaven. I hope that we'll be able to continue our friendship in Heaven long after our earthly lives are over.

Emma, I've only known you for roughly 2 years, but I've learned so much about you in such a short amount of time. This past Sunday I entrusted The Hardest Peace to you. I hope by sharing Kara's story with you, you'll be able to come to know and love her like I have. I don't know how 2025 will test your faith, but I pray you may be able to stand firm in the truth of the gospel. I hope we'll still be able to be love each other well once 2025 hits.

CC, it's been a while since we talked. The day you moved still feels like yesterday even though it happened last summer. I miss the summer days you spent with David and me at our house. I still have vivid memories of them, and I wish we could make more. I love your enthusiasm, your willingness to always share with others, and the fact that we both share a love for Pokemon. We haven't talked at all since we parted ways after the retreat. I hope that even with the distance between us, we would still keep our friendship. Come and visit everyone again before your 23rd birthday in 2025. We all really miss you.

Mochi, you'll be 22 in 2025. You are incredibly smart, so I expect that you will be almost done with college when 2025 comes around. I know you are a very ambitious girl that wants to learn as much as you can. You have so many opportunities ahead of you. I pray you may be able to trust your community to speak truth to you as you make big decisions for your future. Even with all your busyness, I pray that you'll be able to quiet down once in a while and reflect on all of God's goodness and grace in your life. Every time I see you I can find the many blessing that Jesus has bestowed upon you. I hope you'll be able to see those too. I pray that no matter what you do with your life, you'll be able to do it without a lot of stress and for God's Kingdom.

Jess, you will also be 22 in 2025. I've love seeing the friendship that has blossomed between you and Mochi. When you two entered middle school, I was worried that you and Mochi would grow farther away from each other. I'm so relieved that the opposite is happening. I hope your friendship will continue to grow as you two walk through your middle school and high school years together. Close friends are vital for the rollercoaster-like journey of the future ahead of you.

David, my dear brother. 2025 marks your 21st birthday. Just because I am me, I get slightly panicky when I see that number since that is the legal drinking age. To be completely honest, I'm not sure if I'm confident enough to see you set out into the world as an independent one day. But like I keep telling myself, a lot can happen in a year. Maybe you'll have matured a lot by 2025 and I'll be able to see you become a responsible young man of God. A few weeks ago, as someone from church was praying over you, they said that you were a blessing to our family. I'm sorry, I still can't help but cringe a bit when those words run through my mind. Luckily, God has granted me the grace to start to see the joy you bring to our family. I know it's not easy being the middle child, but learn to embrace the blessing of being in the middle. Even though I've never been a middle child, I'm sure you'll be able to reap the benefits of being one everyday.

Ella, everyday I see you growing more and more gentle. I also love how much you're willing to serve others. You'll be turning 19 in 2025. I pray that even with you trying to establish your footing in a new environment during the beginning of your college years, you will hold on to the truths of the gospel. They will guide you as you navigate through choosing a career path that you will enjoy the rest of your life. Keep loving others in your servant-hearted ways as we get closer and closer to 2025.

Mushi, you'll be celebrating 18 years in 2025. I have a more vivid mindset of you in 10 years than most everyone else in this letter because I am very close to that age. I hope by 2025, you'll be able to have an idea of what you want to do in your future so you can focus your college education on that career path. As you graduate from high school and start a new chapter of your life in 2025, I hope you'll be able to remain devoted to your faith as you fly away to college and an independent life. Don't lose the valuable life lessons your parents have instilled in you throughout your childhood.

And last but not least, little Eian. You'll be 14 in 2025. Like Mushi, 2025 will find you in a new chapter of your life. I remember my freshman year. It was an intricate dance as I learned to balance all the new responsibilities and freedoms that comes with being in high school. You are a very strong minded individual that always has an opinion about everything. I hope you'll be able to use your stubbornness to be a voice for God's kingdom and not to pursue your own will.

To all the other kids of my church community, I hope we'll be able to maintain the relationships we've built after many of us have left home to pursue an education after high school. I love our community. I would hate for it to disperse in 2025 when the majority of us have grown up.

From a very blessed friend and sister,
Yahan

Phew. That was long. Next week's grace letter is to someone who has changed my story for the better because of the love they have shown. (Some of you may already know who I'm writing to. If you do, please don't reveal it. I don't want to spoil it for those who may not know.)

Prayer Request

Just a short and sweet post today. Not much to say.

On Monday, my friend Abby wasn't in school. She told me on Tuesday she was absent because her grandpa's health was failing, and that her mom wanted their whole family to be with him. She was out of school again today, and I was a bit worried. During our lunch period, a mutual friend told me that he had passed away yesterday. If you're a praying person, I would really appreciate it if you could pray for Abby and her family (that they may have peace and be comforted), and that her grandfather is in Heaven. (I am not sure if he was saved or not.) Thanks.

1 Day, 2 Celebrations

Today's an interesting day for me. For one, it's the first anniversary of Ben's Heaven Day. Even though I've never met Ben or his family in person, seeing Ben's body lose a battle it worked so hard to win was heartbreaking. I got to follow Ben's story through a camp counselor that shared Ben's mom's blog with me on Facebook. After I started reading it, I fell in love with Ben and his family. Reading Ben's story also opened my eyes to the devastating reality of childhood cancer, which eventually led to me supporting other children who have cancer via social media. Seeing children battle cancer have led me to decide to focus my future career in medicine on pediatric oncology. It's not going to be an easy journey, but I'm willing to pursue it.

Today's also my friend Mushi's birthday. (She's more like my younger sister though since there's a 9 year age gap between the two of us.) Mushi is very creative, she loves to draw and write and dreams of becoming a children's book author and illustrator one day. I can totally see this in her since she always asks me for paper whenever I bring a notebook to church or Bible study. She's really funny too and has the sweetest smile. I definitely sense joy in her every time I see her.

Since I'm better at writing than talking, I thought I could start writing letters to my friends on their birthdays to give them something from me for their special day.

Here goes my first birthday letter.

Dear Mushi,

Wow. Time goes by so fast. You're already turing 8. Next thing I know, you'll be in middle school. My hope for you is that even with time flying by, you'll be able to enjoy each day to the fullest. Every day we meet, you're always so full of joy and silliness. Don't lose that. You'll need joy and humorous jokes to help you get through the hard of your middle school and high school years (and even beyond high school). But most importantly, try to find ways every day to spread the joy God has blessed you with with others in your life now. Don't keep it to yourself; share it with those you love. When a friend or your sister is having a bad day, cheer them up with one of your silly antics. (Just don't do anything too crazy.) If your mom is stressed out by her to-do-list, lend her a hand with gladness and without complaining. Strive to encourage others with your joyful nature daily.

I also love how creative you are. You make the best creations on my phone with all the food making apps you wanted me to download. You're also an amazing artist for someone your age and your handwriting is so neat. These are all vital skills for an aspiring author and illustrator, which I know is one of your dreams for your future. I pray that God uses your talents to lead children closer to Him. If you happen to decide to do something different with your life, I hope God would be able to use you for His Kingdom no matter the career path you choose.

I love you, Mushi. You, along with your sister, and our friends/sisters in Christ (Jess, Ella, Sasha, Micah, CC and Emma) are more than I could have ever dreamed for when I wished for a younger sister many years ago. I hope you've enjoyed your special day.

Your older sister in Christ,

Yahan

Disclaimer: Mushi is not my friend's real name, it's only her nickname. I'm just used to calling her that, so she will be referred to as Mushi throughout my writing.

Welcome~

After days of internal debates, I decided to start a blog. Since I am naturally quiet, I don't like sharing my thoughts out loud with others. This blog will be where I share what's on my heart and mind when things come up. Posts may be about (but definitely not limited to)

-My faith

-My family

-My friends

-School life

Some of you may already know some stuff about me, but for those that don't, here's some basic info.

-I'm a junior in high school

-I'm Chinese American

-I am a born again Christian

Right now everything's pretty bland, I'll make sure to make things pretty as time goes on. (Don't worry, this should be the only boring post. I plan on writing about more interesting stuff)